Craziness of Love and the Heartless
by Skitzu
Summary: O.o, You want more? Review..
1. Old Habits Die Fast

Ok, This is so totally NOT serious, but so totally crazy. Please do enjoy the out of character-ness and poor spelling. Thanks.

"SORRAAA!" A strange but familiar male voice called cheerily.

"Hm?" The brown porcupine-haired boy stuck his head out from under the car, pushing himself fully out to look up at a certain blue-haired crony of his. "Riku..?I…Haven't Seen you in…forever.."

Riku smirked and hauled the boy to his feet, pulling him into his arms and pressing his lips harshly against Sora's. Sora, utterly taken by surprise (who knew?), Shoved Riku away bursting out, "I'M MARRIED AND HAVE A WIFE AND KIDS!"

"I know.." Came his curt reply as Riku smiled devilishly, taking a step towards him. "Saw them in the front yard. Cute. I actually just slaughtered them..Yum. You know, humans taste better when their alive and you slit their throats." ….What the Fuck has happened to Riku? A bloodthirsty Motherfucker.

Sora's eyes, by this point, were round and huge popping out of his skull nearly as Riku again proceeded to pushing him against the car and running a hand up his sweaty work shirt with the words: "Fuck Women, Beer Is Better to Fuck" on it. As his hands ran over the boy's chest his lips locked around his neck, sucking lovingly until Sora brought a hand up and poked Riku's nose making a small 'boop' noise.

"AH!" Riku fell back, blood covering his face from the fatal blow he had just received. Soon, he was thrashing around in pain as Sora assaulted him with even more deadly pokes to the side or legs.

Then, By chance, Kairi bursts through the garage door, prancing around, "M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E Who's the leader of the pack that's made for you and me?" But upon seeing the fierce battle that ensued before her she pulled out a paupu fruit and threw it at them feeling that would solve all their problems.

BUT! IT DIDN'T!

DUN

DUN

DUN!

Totally unexpected! It turns out, Donald, who was Sora's Wife, came back to life and came to save them all, but since he sucks and all he does is jump around in circles and quack and heal you and act fucking annoying he was of no use! "I DARE YOU TO COME NEAR ME!" he screamed triumphantly at Riku who now couldn't give a fuck about the duck.

Sora was actually handling himself pretty well, those lessons with the potty paid off! He was lucky Donald was so eager to stand up and control his pee stream for him that first time. Ironically, Riku was wearing a shirt that said: "I stop for Ducks and Sora". So, he did just that, his pain cycle stopping momentarily as Sora dropped his pants and-

Look..If you want more…like you would, just review. Lmao..Pfftttt


	2. The new Phonebook

"The New Phone Book's Here! It's here!"

Roxas yelped happily from the driveway and as he got into the house. Axel peered over the Sunday paper at the other, his brow raised. "Why do you get excited over nothing?"

"It's not nothing! It means I'm somebody now! My name is in print! It's practically free publicity!"

Axel stared at him, wide-eyed and quizzically going insane.

"MILLIONS OF PEOPLE LOOK AT THIS EVERYDAY!"

Somewhere a certain silver-haired fiend was skimming through the phone book and turned to a random page. "Hunh..Roxas Fungbottom.. Sounds like your everyday average bastard. I'm going to kill him." He cocked his gun, snarling at the name and going out of his fairy castle and magically appearing outside Roxas's house. In a car. Chevy. Green. Looking through the scope in his sniper he saw Roxas through the window, jumping up and down behind Axel. "Agh! Stupid red-haired average bastard getting in the way of me shooting that blonde-haired average bastard!"

A pile of cans sat on the table and as Axel got up to go and barf because we all know he's anorexic, the man shot and hit the cans. Roxas looked around like a dog who lost his bone and needed it in order to feel safe and secure because the bone is like his lover and spotted the man through the window.

"AHH! HE'S MAD AT THOSE CANS!"

Quickly Ansem drove off to avoid being caught by the police and blamed for being a child molester.

Roxas burst into the bathroom on Axel with his finger down his throat screaming and flailing his arms wildly. "THE CANS ARE UNDER ATTACK!"

Axel coughed, wiping his mouth, "What the fuck is your problem? Is this like a side effect of our sex, er what? All I did was su- "

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**Want More? Pfft…**


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